So although it sounds crazy there is this frog who has been coming to sit on my back porch for the past two summers. I thought he got ran over but to my surprise last night, I found the bigger grown up Fredrick!
Is it normal to love someone you hate? Someone who continually lets you down because they know they can get away with it? You let them get away with it because you know if you tried to do something about it, they probably wouldn't care. They probably wouldn't try to stop you from walking away like you had. They would just move on. Its really sick to feel that you're in love with someone who doesn't care; who used to care but doesn't anymore. I'm supposed to be one of those strong people who tell everyone what's what. People don't think I get depressed because they see me laugh off everything, and yet I sit here and let someone get the best of me. And then I think about everything I love about this person. About how he talks to me like no one else, and notices the things no one else does, and holds and touches and looks at me like no one else. And I think how in the world am I supposed to live without that? I can't even describe what its like to be the person that makes everyone laugh when inside you're dying asking yourself over and over 'what did I do'. I'm not a person to share my emotions with many people for some reason my mind tells me thats a sign of weakness so it makes it virtually impossible to be open with a lot of people. Except for the person I'm writing about. I told them everything which is what makes the thought of them walking out of my life down right terrifying. He's the keeper of my secrets. He holds the key to so much in my life and he was so much of my life. Now we're stuck on the edge of what to do next. No longer together, but impossible to be apart. If you ever read this you know who you are and you know that I do truly love you. Regardless.
Every time I go to asheville I end up in downtown. Usually its late at night when people are spilling out of bars, but Saturday I went earlier in the day and as always I had my camera with me. So while walking around my friend and I found an empty, sketchy, old parking deck. Later that night we ended up back in downtown and she didn't like the idea of going back into the deck so i just have a few pictures from earlier that day.
